Friday, November 27, 2009

Silk sheets & dinner parties…

Thanksgiving was as fattening as ever and the company just as entertaining as ever. I’m still digesting, well, that might be because I haven’t stopped eating leftovers since this morning. I love sweet potatoes!!! At this time of year, that of get-to-gethers, parties, dinners, and family sleep-overs our lives are filled with excitement and indigestion. Chris found this hilarious article which totally reminded me of this time of year. Click the icon below to view this hilarious article. (You'll have to click on the download link when the site opens)

I don’t know anyone as completely crazy as these people but there are bits of these characters that can be seen in everyone I know including myself, no offense intended ;). Love you all and hope you’re having a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday!

p.s. if you can't open this link, let me know and I can email it to you, provided I have your email address.


Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Brimble the Bored

The Mama’s Losin’ It Challenge

4.) Write a story in exactly 101 words.

Brimble the Bored

(based off of a mostly true story)

Once, in a zoo far, far, away, lived a bored baboon named Brimble. He was caged with a French baboon who answered primarily in snorts whenever Brimble asked him a question, or commented on the weather. One day, a group of adolescents visited the zoo and spied Brimble on a leafy branch gnawing distractedly on a twig. The adolescents, always aware of the plight of the bored, tossed Brimble a gumball. Brimble caught the gumball and with little thought, tossed it into his own mouth and chewed. Thenceforth, Brimble was a boisterous, bubble-blowing, baboon who no longer suffered from complete boredom.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

“If I’d ever learnt, I should have been a true proficient.”

image Back in my day, or maybe someone older’s day, kids used to be of more use in a kitchen and were often given the simple yet character-building job of peeling potatoes.  Kids today have been too protected from manual labor of any kind - most likely because their parents live in fear that some sinister child protection agency will hunt them down for making their child’s heart rate hit a level where sweat may become an issue. 

imageToday, I went to one of my boy’s classes in the second grade in order to help prepare a Thanksgiving vegetable stew “feast.”  It was the volunteer’s job to assist and instruct the kids on how to properly prepare the vegetables for the stew.  There were about 5 stations, one for celery cutting, carrot peeling, potato and carrot cutting, onion cutting (this brave role was manned by one of the kid’s father’s who worked at the air force base, very brave, very brave indeed).  The 5th station was mine, that of potato peeling. I was surprised how many kids had to be shown how to use a peeler.  First I had to stress the proper holding of the potato, then the side of the blade to use, and how to not slice your finger.  We ended up with only two sliced fingers and only one drew blood.  There was actually only one child, a girl whose mother must be under investigation, who knew how to peel her potato and did it with great proficiency.  I cheered each child along as they learned this lost childhood art and encouraged them to go home and tell their parents that they would be able to help in the kitchen this year in preparing for the Thanksgiving meal.  None of them expressed my enthusiasm for their new skill, but they might have just had a silent joy, too deep to express in words.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

“The wolf’s out of the bag now.”

imageJust got home from seeing New Moon.  I really liked it, and as a very big fan of the books, I still think they did a great job.  I feel that all critics should think about the restrictions that a VERY-popular-book-made-into-a-movie has to stick to, before casting a judgment.  How many fans of say Lord of the Rings, would have a major hissy fit if Frodo really didn’t look 50?  Oh, but if you stray even a hair from the original when it comes to the Twilight books, it had better be a very impressive and appropriate stray, lest you want to be devoured by werewolves or sucked dry by vampires.  Well, you never know, some might like that.  I really don’t think producers really believe that at least 80% of the fans would literally sit through a 6 hour, true to the book, version of each Twilight book.  Really, just give us a few potty breaks, but give it all to us, we’ll take it, and we’ll even pay more for the longer theater time it would take.  The screen writer of these movies has to be so careful to include all of the necessary things lest she receive hate mail, and I’m sure by now she’s probably grown a whole new weave of gray hair over the process.  I won’t say much more other than, the wolves were AWESOME, loved Voltera, and so much more!  Go watch it for yourself and beware of the squealing girls in the front row who nearly hyperventilate when Jacob takes off his shirt.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz….

Dear Dr. Minivan,

Are all pregnant ladies as tired as I am all of the time?  I feel like a cat, constantly on the lookout for a spot of sun-warmed carpet to curl up on and doze my day away.  The thing is, cats are nocturnal but I, if like a cat should be out looking for mice or bars of chocolate, am instead looking for a spot of moonlight to curl up and sleep in.  What is wrong with me?!  At this moment, I am forcing myself to stay awake and NOT lie down.  Do twins make one doubly tired?  I don’t think so, or at least my first set didn’t, but then I was also working full time and had no bed to lie on in my cubical.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Sleep Like A Cat

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Dear Diary…

Mama’s Losin’ It Challenge

4.)Share a diary entry from when you were 13...feel free to make one up!  (Which do you think it is?)

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Dear Diary,

In PE our teacher made us do pull ups in class.  It’s not fair that I’m the tallest one and have the most to lift!  All those short boys and muscular girls could do it.  All I could do was reach up, grab the bar and jump into a pull up.  That should count right?  Not so much a pulling action but a jet-action.  Yes, “jet-ups.”  Let’s see those short kids do jet-ups.  It’s no fair that I can’t get an A just because, in some strange situation I’ll most likely never find myself, I will be unprepared to “pull” myself out of say, a 5 foot deep pit.  The thing is, anyone who actually needs to do a pull up has to because they are too short to see over whatever high spot that I would only need my tippy-toes to see over.   So, Mr. P.E. teacher, you can just go to Pull-up hell heck purgatory!  Whatever happened to practical lessons in P.E.?  I could see the benefit of shoelace tying contests, piggyback riding safety, how to properly carry a heavy backpack, or how to knock out the 5 ft. nothing, pimply faced boy who dared to pinch my behind today.  Yes, that would be a practical lesson in physical education.  Why couldn’t I react quicker?  That hurt!  I could have done that awesome kick Daniel gave Johnny in the Karate Kid.  Or maybe given him a climactic punch like the one George McFly gave Biff in Back to the Future.  Oh, where is Mr. Darcy when I need him?  Is there nobody left to defend my honor?

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So, anyway, later today I stepped in some gum right before I got on the bus and had to scrape it off on the…

Monday, November 16, 2009

How many feet can you put in your mouth?

Signs for the bewildered observers of possibly pregnant women which,  I hope, will help stave off inevitable embarrassment after the “are you expecting?” question.

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1.  Does she sport a hairdo which allows for the least amount of hair to be found in the pathway between mouth and toilet?  This would most likely be a pony tail or messy bun  (FYI, or in case you didn’t know how to  avoid keeping barf out of your hair).   

2.  Sometimes one has to observe the target of the “are you pregnant” question for up to a two-hour period.  If she should get up and leave about 3 times during  that time, walk impatiently down the hall to the restroom, and return more relaxed, she is most likely expecting, or she is the victim of a bad bladder infection.  Making sure she also “glows” will cancel out the chance of bladder infection.

3.  The bulge, as in battle of the…  This is a hard one to go off of alone.  First, well…it shouldn’t jiggle as much as a real pooch does, but…it could.  It’s harder than the regular pooch, but a tumor can be too. (“It’s not a tumor”).  However, if you can, observe the belly undetected for a time, and if you happen to see signs of alien life trying to burst out of the suspects belly in more than one direction, pregnancy is a good assumption.

Having been asked this question a couple of times by adults and several times by my children when I was not expecting, I have come up with this short list to help those, unlike my previous inquisitors, avoid embarrassment or at least puzzlement.  Please feel free to add to my list if you have any other proof-positive clues for the curious.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

More than meets the eye, or film.

Mama’s Losin’ It Challenge

5.) Show us something you did yourself!

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Well, I didn’t actually do it, God did, I just happened to catch it on film to remember it.  Though, there’s more to the memory than the photograph.  There are memories of the cool air, the clean crisp smells of grasses, dirt, and running water, and the sound of squawking peacocks  and guinea hens in the distance.  There’s the memory of running around with my nieces, my sister and her husband, taking pictures of them and laughing as the girls took off squealing and laughing on a 4-wheeler.  How would you have known there was so much to one photograph of grass in front of a sunset?

Monday, November 9, 2009

Cabbage Patch Kids

imageAbout every 3rd day of my life routine I start to feel guilty about my children’s lack of fruits and vegetables, so on that third day I usually prepare some food worthy of them turning their noses up in disgust.  Tonight it was a cabbage/chicken salad and a plate of kiwi fruit.  I’ve found, though it’s only 20% successful, that describing food in other terms helps in the convincing process for getting them to eat.  Tonight it was:  “it’s lettuce,” or “that dressing is a cousin to Ranch,”  “kiwi’s are a combination of bananas and strawberries, ‘strawnanas’ or ‘banerries’”.  Finally it ended with, eat it or you have to go to bed and you won’t get any of the special Pomegranate 7up.  We managed, and at least half of everything was eaten.  While they chewed Chris and I tried to recall the dietary benefits of what they were eating.  This strategy sometimes works, especially with protein when we tell them the meat will give them big muscles.  Turns out cabbage is really quite the healthy vegetable including vitamin c, glutamine (amino acid that acts as an anti-inflammatory), B2, and riboflavin.  FYI.

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Finally Douglas could not eat another bite and with great orneriness told us, “I am full, F-O-O-L!”  At that, we had to excuse him and send him on his jester-ing way.  At least for 3 more days I’ll know that my kids intestines are working better and if they should have a peptic ulcer, it will be on its way to healing, and that with the extra boost of Vitamin C, they may avoid the next sickness wave unscathed.  We’ll see what the cabbage does for the adults tonight.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Combo pack…

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Here’s a picture of my “rusty innards” which no longer belong entirely to me.  I just want to know why the inhabitants keep moving in in pairs. There aren’t even any walk-in closets or washer/dryer hook-ups.  Must be the view.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Lizard who Slurred

imageMessage to all you who have children who are still teething:  brush, brush, brush!  I don’t care how small those teeth are, they need to be brushed.  I know this because I just left the dentist with my 4 year old who had a mouth full of work done.  We had to go the way of sedation with the amount of work needed as I don’t know any normal 4 year old who could sit through an hour’s worth of work and not scream his head off.  I can barely sit for 20 minutes without screaming my own head off.

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The whole process went smoothly, starting with the innocent looking dental assistant with the box of child-diverting toys.  While Isaac looked for his favorite toy, the anesthesiologist lifted up his sleeve and gave him a shot of something very relaxing.  I felt bad for him as I watched him lose consciousness, but saw that it was probably the best way to put in the I.V.  Come to think of it, there are times I wouldn’t mind a shot like that myself. 

After they finished their work on my boy, they brought me in to sit with him till he woke up.  I was surprised at how calm he was as he woke.  I think it helped that I picked him up and held him while he really started waking up.  He had a lovely smile and great anesthetized breath which almost knocked me out!

Later, I carried his limp body to the car and strapped him in.  As he situated his drunken-esque body into his seat, he managed his first concentrated inquiry which was, “where’s my toy?”  That really must have been the clearest memory he had from the experience.  A few minutes later, it was hard not to laugh at his adorable slurred speech as he told me, referring to his new toy lizard, “thissss issss myyyyy peeett lizzzard.” 

imageOnce we got home, the hardest thing was keeping him down.  He was like a little drunk man trying to prove he could walk the painted line.  I had to shut the gate to the stairs leading to the basement as he swayed in that direction.  While I had to leave the room for a minute I gave Douglas the job of keeping him on the couch. 

Douglas:  “What if he tries to get up?” 
Mom:  “Push him back down.” 

As daddy walked in the room to see his intoxicated son, Isaac blurted out with pride, “I’m all drugged up!”  I don’t know where he got that line.  By the way, the lizard was named, “Surfboard,” or maybe it’s “Sir Fbord,” after the infamous Norwegian knight.  It was hard to tell with the slur.

It is now 8:45 pm, and he is much better and his insistent statement, made in his tipsier hours, “I can still walk though,” is finally true.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Sucking on suckers through vampire teeth…gooey.

The beautiful thing about Halloween is the next morning’s special requests for breakfast.  “Can I have a Kit Kat for breakfast?”  “No Mommy, I don’t want cereal, I’m having a sucker for breakfast.”

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We were privileged to have A GI Joe guy, Anakin, and a Secret Op. in our midst for yesterdays Halloween festivities.  According to Isaac both he and Reed were actually Ninjas.  I guess even Ninjas celebrate the holiday but don’t think they’re cool enough as is and have to dress up as GI Joes and Secret Op. guys.

Check out album to get the full versatility of these extraordinary operatives. 

Chris took the boys trick or treating while I stayed home, watched Clue, and passed out the goods.  We had a ton of cute kids in their costumes and surprisingly none of them were over the age of 13!  Two years ago when we lived in MI I swear there were 18 year olds begging for candy and they weren’t even in costume!  Sure I’ll give you something if you dress up and the older you are the more creative you have to be.  None of them even claimed to be Lucy, trick or treating for their “stupid little brother Linus” who was sitting in a pumpkin patch waiting for the arrival of the Great Pumpkin.

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Christmas 2017- The Case of the Giggles

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