Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Freckles and Fancy Feet

Mama’s Losin’ It Challenge…

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5.)List your 7 most favorite summer items!

1. Plastic Sandals- my favorite purchase from Hawaii, bringing comfort to my feet and constant memories of one of my favorite vacations.

2. Tall glass with the lemon picture on it- the bearer and giver of ice cold drinks, meant to quickly cool and delight an overheated mama.

3. My brown broad-rimmed hat- Gives great shade while aiding in my attempt to stop my freckles from merging into one body sized freckle.

4. Nail polish- a gift from my sister.  I now have one bottle of nail polish, a warm red color that reminds me of a brightly painted door on a beach house surrounded by white sand while opening onto a view of the Mediterranean sea.

5. Patio furniture- Mesh patterned iron table and chairs, with a large green umbrella.  An excellent backyard comfort for watching the kids play in the sprinklers, the kiddie pool, and the slip and slide. A pure joy for me while I leisurely sit with my book, diet coke, and my polished toes, who are glamorously elevated on the neighboring chair.

6.  The hose- the magical creator of cool water which, with it’s magnificence, fills pools, sprays off hot kids, and patiently sits under the trampoline with a sprinkler head attachment, making the hot black surface bearable to jump on in July.

7.  Air conditioner…does one need to elaborate on one of the best inventions ever?!  “Next to the walkman and Tab…” the air conditioner is the best invention of the 20th century.  (I don’t really know when they were invented but I wouldn’t be surprised if that was one of those long forgotten Roman or Greek things, like indoor plumbing).

Sunday, July 19, 2009

A Wedgie for your Thoughts?

It’s seems to be a natural inclination inimage boys younger than 18, or maybe 90, to attempt to humiliate others of their gender in any way possible just for a good laugh.  I get more and more shocked when I see my boys do things that I would never have done as a child. I then ask Chris if what they are doing is normal for boys.  He laughs then says, sure, all boys are like that.  Apparently it is completely acceptable and even expected to suffer humiliation at the hand of their peers.  Towel slappings in the locker room, burping in each others faces, spitting, throwing verbal insults, taunting by saying nasty things about the other person’s mother, and hitting each other in places best left un-hit.  The list goes on and yet the fact that these things are embraced at such a young age, explains such idiotic things as line ‘em up and shoot battle tactics. 

This thought process began yesterday when Douglas came up to Reed and gave him a wedgie.  Reed complained with a slightly annoyed “don’t!” while his parents tried to correct and dissuade such an action.  Chris first said, “Douglas, did you know that if I were to do that to somebody at my age that I’d get arrested?”  We’ve had conversations in which we imagine our kids as adults behaving like they do with their co-workers.  Usually this is yet another attempt to defend the importance and challenges of stay-at-home moms.  Office life is a breeze compared to the stuff moms do during the day, really, I’ve done both!  So, if Douglas were to walk over to the cubical across the office and yell as loudly as he can, “you never let me eat macaroni and cheese!” or if he were throw a stapler at the secretary and then point to the guy in the adjoining cubical and blame him, one would only expect probation or a jail sentence.

The conversation quickly digressed as Chris and I started picturing him giving other adults wedgies.  Somehow, with the boys help, the question was posed, “what if the other person said you could?”  Then we clarified that if the person did indeed give you permission to give them a wedgie that you would have to get it in writing, signed and then notarized in the presence of witnesses before you could ever hope to get away with such an embarrassing and uncomfortable crime.

Yes, thanks to Chris’ legal education, that conversation turned down hill into something quite idiotic yet very possible, that is if the other party should agree to such an action to their person.

Punishment: 15 minutes time out!

Next case:  Tiger vs. Palmer in the case of a locker room towel incident.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

x+y=1 of the best grandpas ever!

                                    Mama’s Losin’ It Challenge

3.) Tell us about Grandpa

IMG_2464 [640x480] As a child, when my Grandpa H. would come to visit he’d always get my room because I had a double bed.  I didn’t mind and thought it was fun, at that age, to sleep on the couch.  The funny thing is, every time he’d stay he would leave me a few dollars on my dresser as payment for staying in my room.  He’s the kind of person who would do anything for a person if it was in his power to do it.  I think he’s 94 or 95 now and he still gives the best and tightest hugs.  I remember him once trying to help me with my math homework.   As a mathematician, he already thought in the language of numbers and so when he tried to help my numeral-ly challenged brain, it was like shooting 50 miles over the target.  I was still learning my letters while he was trying to teach me how to say a complex sentence in German, Italian, and Japanese. If x is Japan, y is Germany and z is Italian, how many years will it take you to learn pig-latin in Turkistani?   I thanked him for helping me but just went back to what the book was unsuccessfully trying to teach me.  I love him a ton and am so blessed to have an example like him in my life.  A great man, my grandpa.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Flies go to the Opera

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Isaac:  Look, I have two dead bugs

Mommy:  Oh, why don’t you flush them down the toilet? (the 3 boys have an obsession with whirlpools thanks to Pirates of the Caribbean and Myth Busters)

Isaac:  No!  They’re nice and one sings.

Mommy:  But they’re dead.

Isaac:  But they’re nice (and slowly walks out of the room with his two new decomposing friends.  I wish Reed and Douglas would befriend him a bit more).

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Do Penguins have Scales?

Climbing into the car after an awful trip to JoAnne’s for some fabric, I tell the boys with as much patience as I could muster to get their seat belts on so we can get home quickly.  It seems that they rarely catch onto my mood or do not care when their mom is about to blow up like a “beam me up Scotty” gone terribly wrong.  Dr. Minivan is in his usual messed up state with petrified French fries, Bad Guys, discarded socks, and Macdonald’s pickles in their fruit leather stage, littering the floor in a way that would make Mr. Pollock proud.  Every time I climb into the van I say aloud, “I really need to clean this car!”  But I forget about it as we drive back into the garage with three ornery kids and me wanting to get out and into the house as soon as I possibly can.

imageI mentioned that the brothers three don’t seem to notice my mood.  As I turned the car on and began to drive, Douglas randomly asks, “are penguins reptiles?”  Well, that completely throws my mind and mood for a loop.  “No,” I answer, “They’re birds.”  Douglas then counters with, “but they lay eggs!”  I had to explain that all birds lay eggs.  Douglas then tells me, “I wish I was a reptile because then I could climb out of an egg when I was born.”  Mommy puts the car in reverse and quickly changes the subject to something not involving reproduction and continues on her quest to get home as soon as possible.  Maybe it’s in the wind, but I feel a plethora of questions on this subject beginning to bloom in Douglas and Reed’s thoughtful minds. This morning they asked me if I was the Easter Bunny.  Sheeesh!  I told them that I don’t have a fluffy tail or long ears and to stop calling me a bunny!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

A time to potty and a time not to potty…

Important announcement:  Isaac is officially potty trained and just 3 days shy of his 4th birthday!  About time and hallelujah!

The Prompts:                   Mama’s Losin’ It Challenge

2.) When I grow up I want to be like...
I’ve used that phrase “when I grow up” many a time when thinking of things I can’t afford and most likely will never be able to afford.  “When I grow up, I want to have a house like Pemberly.” Or, “When I grow up I will get one of those Audi sports cars in midnight blue.”  Or “When I grow up, I want to be 50 pounds lighter.”  But when the question comes to “when I grow up I want to be like…” someone, there are many who come to mind.  As far as mortal examples go, I’d have to pick from several people and the qualities I admire in them.  I’d like to have my dad’s patience, my mom’s excitement for life, my sister Erin’s confidence, my brother Jared’s innovativeness, my sister Dani’s kindness, my husband Chris’ love of learning, my aunt Jodi’s creativity, and my kid’s buckets of energy.  So, when I grow up I want to be like all the people I love.

4.) List 5 things you like to do while camping...mmmm, sleeping in the good ol’ outdoors!

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Fishing:  Ahhh..Power bait.  I think the florescent green one works the best, though the pink is prettier.  I am a catcher of fish, not an eater.  I can feel alright about this because I know lots of people who do eat lake fish and so I figure I’m offering a service while having a great time catching them.

Hiking:  Great fun, great sites, and toe nails do grow back.

Roast stuff:  I suppose it’s the dormant pyromaniac that lurks in me and begs to come out once I hit an elevation higher than 7000 feet.  I think this is something that every Boy Scout struggles with but with a weak, whispered, and insincere conscience that only suggests, in a  quiet voice, “Don’t.” As a mother the need to resist has gotten stronger as my boys have gotten older and closer to the age of pyromania.  I must be an example and stop lighting marshmallows on fire just to watch the flame change in color and intensity while the sticky goo slides off the stick to begin yet another pop of flame as it hits the coals below… “where’s that pyro-helpline phone number…?  Ah, right here on the back of the match box…911?”

Sit and talk:  So, how big was your fish?  That big eh?  Remember the story about Uncle E. who worked with the CCC building outhouses in the ‘30s?  How he was painting down below the new toilet and some woman ran in to use it?  And how it suddenly got dark?  And then how he yelled, “oh no you don’t!” and gave that lady a nice swat on the backside with his mop?  I wonder what kind of phobias she still has from that experience.

Inhale:  Now that I live in Utah, the issue of proper oxygen inhalation hasn’t been that much of a big deal but when I lived in California, a trip up a mountain could be an instant cure to pleurisy. 

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Summer Activites

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Swimming with Rhi and many a kiddo.

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Evening conversations during dinner and just after:

Conversation 1:

Douglas:  How much could you eat before you threw up?

Chris:  A whole pizza and three cans of pop in 20 minutes.

Douglas:  Woah!  I hope I can do that some day!

Conversation 2:

Reed:  Where are there the most helicopters? 

Chris:  Helicopter city?

Reed:  Can we find that on Google Maps?

Synopsis of Conversation 3:

Douglas, while browsing the instant play on Netflix, asked if he could watch New Moon.  Chris told him that it wasn’t even in the theater yet.  After hearing their conversation, Reed informed Douglas in his I-know-something-that-you-don’t voice, that it wouldn’t be out until November 20th.  Should my 7 year old boys know that much information on this series?  Of course!  At least I know how much of my conversation and obsession is spilling over to my children’s understanding of their mother’s character.

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Summer pictures…

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These were lit on the 6th of July, a little late as we were watching some of the big ones on the 4th.

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The tomatoes have been grown for Chris, I will have no part of them other than watching him eat them up.

IMG_2625 [640x480]Blueberries!

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  What goes on in my garden…

IMG_2631 [640x480] Rub-a-dub-dub three boys in the tub.  Time to upgrade?

Friday, July 3, 2009

Hand-Modeling Career Gone South

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Where George Costanza could have gone if it weren’t for…ah, well, prison will probably do him a lot better than a role on Oobi.

For the longest time I’ve wondered if people with long nails are as good at hard labor as people with short nails.  Ever since I’ve been taking pre-natal vitamins (no I am not pregnant but am in the “pre” part of that word, not that “natal” at the moment) my nails have grown at a more accelerated rate.  I’m not really that much of a nail bitter but have on occasion, when the clippers have disserted, had to use my teeth to rid my finger of an protruding annoyance. However, with the occasional emergency assistance of the canines, I have always kept my nails trimmed and clean.  Anyway, I have twice this week, caught a finger nail on some object because the nail was longer than usual and both times, brace your gross-out-o-meter, pulled the nail backward, and detaching it from the skin as a result.  Anyone can imagine the pain and visualize that manicur-ial atrocity without too much effort.  If ever I were to attempt long nails I know I’d end up with a gnarled collection of nails, pools of blood, and a sailor’s mouth of swear words.

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So, let me rephrase my question, how in the world do people with long nails get anything that requires elbow, or finger grease, done?  Please enlighten me because I am at this moment typing with a handicapped index finger.  Because of my experiences I have the inkling that all of you with beautiful nails, and I don’t mean to offend, haven’t done any deep down and dirty scrubbing since your last manicure!  Ouch…my nail!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Brevity

Mama’s Losin’ It challenge

Therefore, since brevity is the soul of wit,
And tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes, I will be brief.
~William Shakespeare, Hamlet

2.) Write five "Incredibly Short Books".

“King Arthur and His Rectangular Table” –by Mordred the Miffed

“The Rabid Squirrel Goes to the Dentist.” (children’s book) –by Sir Nutkin

“Zee Frenchman who Spoke English to zee American Tourist” image-by Jaques the Waiter

“The Ballerina with Perfect Toes” -Degas

“The Frog who wore Flip-flops” (children’s book) – by Toe-fu Tad

Christmas 2017- The Case of the Giggles

         “ My liege, and madam, to expostulate What majesty should be, what duty is, Why day is day, night night, and time is time, ...