Monday, September 24, 2007

Boys, Girls and Shrieking Eels...


"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."

"Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake. That's called Houdini. Love is liking someone a lot."--Jack Handy
"Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing, I'm thinking of a monorail."

Sorry, this seems to be another epic...


Today, after school, Douglas informed me that he has a girlfriend. I asked him what her name is. It's Emma, and she's in his class. I then clarified that she is his friend who happens to be a girl and then he corrected me and said, "no, she is my girlfriend." I then asked him what he likes about her. He said that she helps him clean up. "Anything else?" I asked. "Well there's just so many things. It would make me tired to tell you all of them." He should use that line when he's about 23, but not until then.


At least Douglas isn't having a problem identifying that Emma is a girl. Reed has a kid in his class that he's never sure if it's a boy or a girl. So, he'll say, child x is a "boy-girl". He says this with all sincerity. He's a boy by the way, with a long braided gangster do. I don't think kindergarten is the age for parents to express their unwillingness to comply with "the system" through the hair styles they give their children. Identity is not something a 5 year old boy needs to be dealing with while still trying to figure out how to tie shoe laces, check out books from the library, or figure out the intricate workings of the drinking fountain. Keep it simple moms and dads, not expressive. Your child will want to "express" him/herself sooner than you want and probably not in the way you would like.


Please read the following to get a better understanding of the next excerpt:


The Boat: The Shrieking Eels--from The Princess Bride

[Buttercup jumps overboard]

Vizzini: What?! Go in!! Go after her!!!

Inigo: [frankly] I don't swim.

Fezzik: [turning to Vizzini] I only dog-paddle...

Vizzini: Aauuuggghhhhh!!!!!!

Vizzini: Veer left!...left!...left! [suddenly, horrible screeching is heard] Do you know what that sound is, highness? Those are the shrieking eels! If you don't believe me, just wait. They always grow louder when they're about to feed on human flesh! If you swim back now I promise no harm will come to you...I doubt you'll get such an offer from the eels.


Ouch!!!! As I write this Isaac is screaming with the highest, loudest, pain killing-est scream ever! My ears are crying for relief and ear plugs. Speaking of the "shrieking eel", he's started reverting to baby behaviors. We babysat a friend's baby a while ago and this baby had a pacifier, the same kind we used with the boys when they were babies. We never had much luck with any of them taking one. They even mastered the skill of power spit launching the things. Well, Isaac found one in a cupboard in his room and now sucks on it for fun. The funny part is, when he's not sucking on it, he's got it sticking out the side of his mouth, like a cigar. Now this really does sound like an unhealthy habit. What is a mother to do about a shrieking eel addicted to pacifier cigar smoking who likes playing with trains and golf balls?


On a lighter note, or non-child note, I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to… I didn't actually change my insurance. I actually haven't changed much at all. I'm even wearing the same outfit I wore yesterday. Why keep getting stuff spilled on clean cloths? Uh… maybe I shouldn't have revealed that, oh well. Tonight is another long night for Chris at school so I have the job of putting everyone to bed by myself. It's nights like this when I realize how wonderful it is to have Chris around. He does so much for me and the boys. "[He] helps me clean up" and "Well there's just so many things, it would make me tired to tell you all of them." Five year olds and two year olds, what do I do with them? Chris' answer to his mom when she asked "what should I do with you?", he answered, "love me and wait for me to grow up." ( I hope I got that quote right, but it was so very cute!)

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

"I was...grooming."

Being a mom you sometimes find yourself doing things that you never thought you would do before you had kids. Today I took the boys to school and as usual we forgot to comb their hair. Reed, who rarely has the hair problems of Douglas, had a lock of hair in the front sticking strait up. I kept trying to press it down with my hand but it wasn't working. I all of a sudden found myself taking my fingers to my mouth to collect that adhesive that all mom's use in such a situation. Luckily, I realized where I was and that my son was a big tough Kindergartener, surrounded by his peers and their parents. I stopped myself from doing it, but it was not easy. When I picked him up today I was relieved to see that the stubborn, slobber free piece of hair had finally conformed to the direction of the other hair. You know how they have those little Tide cleaners for emergency stain removal? They could probably make one full of spit for the last minute face cleanings, hair flattenings, or even ketchup stain removals. The hard part would be selling it, but deep down inside, we know it would really work.


This picture of Isaac was at the Holt Ward chili cook off. I didn't win anything by the way. I'm not offended as I don't really like chili and the only one I tried was my own because it's the only chili I've ever liked. Yes, I know I'm not very adventurous in the chili department, but there are few who are and even fewer who should be, if you get the "air" of my meaning. Isaac found it more amusing running around the gym than sampling the eatables. He only ate the crackers and cheese meant to go with the chili, oh well, it's something.


All three boys like playing in the dirt that gathers in our gutter. It gets really exciting when it rains and small lakes form. I don't think they should make white shoes.




Thursday, September 13, 2007

Burps and more...


How many of you know 5 year olds that can make themselves burp? I didn't figure that one out until I was about 12. Chris can't even do it, though he does have talents all his own. Douglas is such a 5 year old. After drinking sprite he began a minute long series of burps. I told him to say "excuse me", but it was pointless saying it after each one, all along knowing that he obviously didn't understand what "excuse me" really meant. What does "excuse me" really mean after all? We all have to use those words that are meant to beg those around us for forgiveness for the unpleasantness that may have passed. Those things happen, but don't you think that maybe saying excuse me is really just a last hope that the other people won't realize that some humans occasionally do foul things? Anyway, I still continue to encourage the use of "excuse me" with my children, even if, in their case, it's the thought that counts. Baby steps to propriety...

Eunice: Don't you know the meaning of propriety?

Judy: Propriety? Noun. Conformity to established standards of behavior or manners, suitability, rightness, or justice. See "etiquette." (What's up Doc?)


Another talent I've discovered with child numero tres is the ability to scream at an unusually high pitch. Reed is the originator of this skill and has since passed it onto Isaac, who in a short time has mastered it. He performs mostly in public places like the grocery store and church. But it's especially painful when he does it in the car or the house. I went through the MacDonald's drive thru the other day with the boys (yes I needed a diet coke). They were all a little frazzled and when I arrived at the pick up window. Isaac decided to let his sentiments be known with the loudest scream ever, causing the "order lady" to say "Good Lord, what was that?!" The poor lady probably didn't need that and neither did I. My ears are still ringing from the experience. I hate to say it, but it's kind of nice when Isaac gets a mild case of laryngitis. When he does this at home I send him to his room , but what do you do when it happens in the car?! I've thought of pulling over and just getting out of the car until he finishes. Any ideas anyone?


Reed has been pretty angelic minus getting into "mine" wars with Isaac. They fight over who the owner of the large diggers on our road are. "My digger!" ; "No it's mine!" and it goes back and forth like that till mommy goes nuts and says that it's her digger! Reed is especially sneaky. He's very quiet when he's getting into something that he knows he shouldn't. Yesterday he came outside and asked if he could play my clarinet. I said not right now and not to get into it. He then said, "oh, I guess I better go put it back in the case."


It seems that all I ever talk about is my kids and husband. I do it because they are the most wonderful part of my life. I'm feel so blessed to have such adorable people in my life and constant entertainment. Who needs to go to a comedy club? Just have kids, the ride is a lot more fun! And if you don't have any of your own, go and borrow some from a friend for an hour of entertainment.


The next door neighbor kid teaching the other kids how to play black jack, oh great!


Tuesday, September 4, 2007

1st day of Kindergarten

















We sent the boys off to their first day of Kindergarten yesterday. It was quite chaotic at the school with all the parents saying their good byes to their kids and with some kids in tears. My kids seemed fine and glad to be there. Though, I still felt like the school was stealing my kids with the all day school thing. What ever happened to half days for kindergartners?

My thoughts of being worried that I would miss the boys during the day have since subsided. They have been absolute, let's say it nicely, "horrible, no good, very bad," boys. Maybe I should send them to Australia with Alexander. I don't like to be one of those yelling moms, but my throat hurts for some reason. I decided to take them to a splash park to get some wiggles out and I think it helped, at least with my sanity. I told Chris before he went to school, not to be surprised if he were to find the boys tied up when he got home tonight. This is the kind of day that chocolate becomes your only ally. Sometimes I am so grateful for the television. "Yes, Mr. TV, would you be so kind as to watch my children for me for an hour or so? Thank you."

I don't mean to be a complainer, so I had better stop writing before I say something I might regret or that might incriminate me. It's a good thing God sends such cute kids to us. After a long hard day, seeing them sound asleep in their beds, somehow makes it all better. Why do they look so innocent when they sleep? Even when you know they were the ones who used your lipstick as war paint and a tool for writing on the basement walls. At least it was a color I didn't really like anymore.
How Reed Labors on Labor day, "pull me please."

Christmas 2017- The Case of the Giggles

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