Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Meet me at Tarzan’s Tavern and we’ll get a bite to eat…o.k.?

Mama’s Losin’ It Challenge

5.) Create a conversation between this couple.

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Ted: So, I was watching the Discovery channel the other day and they did a program on the social behaviors of various types of monkeys. Did you see it Dora?

Dora: Oh, uh…no. I think I was washing my hair.

Ted: If you’d seen it, you would have learned that there is no longer a need for you to wash your hair now that I’m around. I learned this awesome thing, let me show--

Dora: Not wash my hair? Are you going nuts?

Ted: No, just practical, it’s called Social grooming, let me show you.

Dora: Ah! What are you doing?! Ouch! That was one of my favorite ladybug earrings!

Ted: It’s o.k., this is how the monkeys did it. They would part their mate’s or best friend’s hair, look deeply at what was uncovered, usually a tasty bug, and pick it out and eat it. I’m sure it’s an excellent source of protein.

Dora: Are you saying I’ve got bugs in my hair?! I need to go uh…wash my hair. Bye!

Ted: Meet me tomorrow for lunch?

Dora: (no response, other than the fast-paced, dwindling sound of her boots, click, click, clicking away).

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Does this book have an outlet?

Warning:  a major venting blog session.

imageWe have a new library in town which has been completed since I believe April of this year.  We have gone often and in the process I have saved a lot of money by checking out books and not buying them.  It’s a very nice library with the latest in library technology and they even have a cafe.  I’m just a bit put out by one thing, their lack of parking for the majority of library visitors. 

People of sense go to libraries in order to save money on books they’re not sure they want to own or can own.  It’s a wonderful system, the public library, and gives all the opportunity to experience an education through book reading.  This library has chosen to design its exterior and interior in a 1950’s-60’s style, not a favorite of mine as it instantly says “old,” and not in that classic sense of the word, but it’s clean.  They have made every politically correct attempt possible to “go green,” and yes, it is wise to use as little power as possible and solve the problem with ingenuity.  However, there is a point at which this “go green” stuff starts to really bug.  the parking lot is a nice size and there are plenty of spots for the average patron, the handicapped, motorcyclists, bicyclists, and I imagine the unicyclist.  There also happens to be a HUGE section, right up front, for Electric Vehicles. 

imageLike I said, I’ve been going to this library since April and have probably on average visited at least once a week in order to drop off or pick up books. In all that time I have NEVER seen an electric car plugged in or even parked in these sections!  I’m tempted to put an extension chord in my car come winter and stream it from my window to the plug and then go and complain that they didn’t have the right hook-up for my car.  The problem with their lack of electric cars is this.  Anyone rich enough to be able to own one would also be rich enough to frequent a bookstore and waste as much money as possible on buying books.  Therefore, the library is not meant for electric car drivers and those spots should be given back to those who have to use the books that other people have used.  Give us our parking spots back!

Okay, venting session is over.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Garbosalaphobia

Mama’s Losin’ it Challenge

4.) If your pet could talk, what would you want to know?

imageWe don’t actually have any living pets at the moment.  We had a pet Beta fish named Patfish who died after a mess up in food menus.  I think he ordered some of those flakes but ended up with a honey nut Cheerio and a dried olive.  Betas aren’t really that companionable, preferring the singular lifestyle of dark murky water.  I was still surprised he didn’t adjust his pallet for this one mess-up.  In the end, all we had was a pale looking fish and luckily no relatives to sue us for a mal-something or other.

As far as info that I could coerce from this pet, now of another realm, nothing comes to mind.  He lived in the kitchen, near the sink in his bowl of tepid water.  I’m sure the highlight of his days was watching what we managed to stuff down our garbage disposal.  His position had a view of the table, stove, refrigerator, and the hallway leading to the restroom.  We didn’t have any florescent lighting so the question of how many blinks it makes during a day is out.  We didn’t have a tv in the kitchen so I couldn’t ask what we missed on Days of Our Lives (I don’t watch soaps but still, maybe someone got the results of a blood test or maybe Luke found out that Lillian, his lover, was really his long lost twin sister, you never know).

Ah, here it is.  Since Patfish lived next to the sink, I would have liked him/her (didn’t know it’s sex and with a name like “Pat” we’re pretty safe either way) to tell us, voluntarily, that someone had put a Hot Wheel car in the the garbage disposal.  Would have been helpful.  Fortunately, it was recovered and the wheels were still in place.  I just hate putting my hand down that thing.  Is there such a thing as a fear of garbage disposals in the book of phobias?  Garbosalaphobia?

imageThe next fish we get, poor soul, will be left with a book on psychatric disorders, and he/she will hopefully be filled with tons of useful information to meet the needs of the curious pet owners. 

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Finally, “I’m older!”

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When his older brother’s started school three weeks ago, Isaac was somewhat disappointed to learn that his school didn’t start until September.  “But I’m older,” he would say, and didn’t understand this school districts need to start school the week before Labor Day (and neither did I).  Thus, the first day of preschool began on a Friday, yesterday, and he LOVED it!

IMG_2781 [640x480] In the spare 2 1/2 hours I now have to myself, not that Isaac was a bad companion, I can now more easily do alone some of my more boring errands like oil changes, Dr. appointments, grocery shopping, or whatever other errands he hasn’t yet told me that he absolutely detests.  I sure love my boy but am so happy that he gets to socialize with kids his own age and prepare for Kindergarten.  He was somewhat disappointed when I told him he couldn’t bring his Luke Skywalker action figure but totally forgot about the old Jedi when he saw all of the castle toys and trains in his new school.  Don’t worry, he came home and gave Luke the attention worthy of a son of Darth Vader, and I think he might have even told him all about his day, from snack time to a bunny he made entirely of circles and ovals.  I bet Luke didn’t know what those shapes were until Isaac told him as he maintained that same blank stare that he always has.

Monday, September 7, 2009

It’s a sleeping bird, it’s a parked plane, no, it’s Superman sleeping!

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After a long day of flying, the young Superman doesn’t even make it to his bed and ends up crashing on the couch.  I guess he was wrong, when he told me the night before, that Superman doesn’t sleep.  Even though I’m not from Krypton, I know that even muscles of steel need to dream once in a while. 

Getting older starts by being younger

It turned out to be quite a lovely weekend.  It started with a birthday party for my nephew Chandler who was good enough to let us each have a bite of his General Grievous cake (frosting painting done by my bro. Jared and was quite accurate).  The grown-ups sat and talked about vampire books and football while the little kids played with another park visitor’s dog and played on all of the recycled playground equipment (even if we didn’t contribute to the materials does it still mean we’re doing our part for the environment?) 

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The un-planned event for the weekend was the visiting of our new twin niece and nephew at the hospital.  Mike and Melissa had their twins at 35 weeks and they seem to be doing fine.  Their son was in the NICU but was doing better and their daughter seems to be doing quite well, though was a little put out by my camera’s flash.  Her dad, Mike, tucked her blanket a little snugger and she went happily back to sleep.  Very cute babies and I can’t wait to see them with their eyes open.  Melissa was pretty tired and so we didn’t get to see her.  A c-section will do that to a person or at least the pain killers after the surgery will.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

“Never give up, never surrender.”

Mama’s Losin’ it Challenge

#4)  The first day of…

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The first day of… exercise is usually the last.  How convenient and well packaged the whole experience is.  Putting the two events on one day sure leaves plenty of time for other things of a less strenuous nature.  That’s what I call simplifying my life or as Martha would say, “a good thing.”  I know, I know, I know, this is really a bad thing and must be helped.  I did spot a friend at the gym today who managed to commit me to going to a weight lifting class with her so I guess this was the first day and not the last of my goal to exercise at least 3 days a week.

#5)  Share your friendly advice for someone you think needs it.

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Dear Dr. Minivan,

I have a friend, actually there are three of these friends, and they happen to have a littering problem, not so much in public but at home…o.k. these people I know happen to be my children.  They walk around with a variety of objects which could include army men, Lego pieces, Hot Wheels, Jedis, food, wrappers, etc. and the moment their brain no longer is interested in the held item, the signal to release the object fires, leaving the item abandoned on the carpet.  Because of my preference to go bare-footed, I am usually the one who discovers and loudly announces, with squeals of pain, that the abandoned car or Lego piece has been found.  Please Doctor Minivan, help me.

Sincerely, Litter-aly Helpless

Dear Litter-aly Helpless,

Having known you and your family these last 4 years, I believe I have the advantage of seeing things as they really are, having been witness to smaller spaces littered in tapestries of Macdonald’s ketchup, dried pickles, M&M’s with their thick candy shells, and at least four Pollock-inspired stained glass windows;  I do know how you suffer, and I pity you.  Being the driver, you are somewhat limited in the actions you can take, and would most likely get a ticket or drive off a cliff if you attempted anything more aggressive than the occasional “don’t.”  However, once you have released these litter bugs from the car and have invited them into your home, you need to take on a new role.  That of the enforcer, the matron, the nag, the pick-that-up-now-or-else lady.  Because of my large axels I cannot enter your house to give you ideas for your exact problem but as a listening friend I shall tell you what I’ve told all who have found themselves in similar circumstances, move out!  No, just kidding…

First, announce that there is to be a change.  Once they are looking up with curiosity and innocence, tell them, that there has to be a stop to the dropping-of-things-on-the-floor method of discarding unwanted objects.  You might have to adjust this advice to fit your audience, but be sure to speak with kindness and to avoid any words that you would not want repeated.

Second, be an example and show them, pantomime a situation if you think it might work.  Be sure to do it with all seriousness, oh, and stretch before getting down on the floor with them, we wouldn’t want the teacher becoming the object that needs assistance in being removed from the floor, now would we?

Third, in the early stages of this clean floor act, follow them around, be aware of what they are holding and once you notice that the item is about to be released, remind them in firm but gentle words to put the item where it goes, i.e. the trash or toy box.

Fourth, you need to…oh, crap, I gotta go, my mini-er vans are throwing popcorn all over the new carpet, oh, no!  Keep that oil in until we can pull over!  Don’t say that Honker, gas jokes are not funny.  We should never joke about other people’s gas…sorry…

Till the next time and may you all be successful…

Sincerely, Dr. Minivan

Christmas 2017- The Case of the Giggles

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