Monday, November 16, 2009

How many feet can you put in your mouth?

Signs for the bewildered observers of possibly pregnant women which,  I hope, will help stave off inevitable embarrassment after the “are you expecting?” question.

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1.  Does she sport a hairdo which allows for the least amount of hair to be found in the pathway between mouth and toilet?  This would most likely be a pony tail or messy bun  (FYI, or in case you didn’t know how to  avoid keeping barf out of your hair).   

2.  Sometimes one has to observe the target of the “are you pregnant” question for up to a two-hour period.  If she should get up and leave about 3 times during  that time, walk impatiently down the hall to the restroom, and return more relaxed, she is most likely expecting, or she is the victim of a bad bladder infection.  Making sure she also “glows” will cancel out the chance of bladder infection.

3.  The bulge, as in battle of the…  This is a hard one to go off of alone.  First, well…it shouldn’t jiggle as much as a real pooch does, but…it could.  It’s harder than the regular pooch, but a tumor can be too. (“It’s not a tumor”).  However, if you can, observe the belly undetected for a time, and if you happen to see signs of alien life trying to burst out of the suspects belly in more than one direction, pregnancy is a good assumption.

Having been asked this question a couple of times by adults and several times by my children when I was not expecting, I have come up with this short list to help those, unlike my previous inquisitors, avoid embarrassment or at least puzzlement.  Please feel free to add to my list if you have any other proof-positive clues for the curious.

8 comments:

3 Men and a Lady said...

Lol, I could easily pass for quite pregnant right now, so I hear ya! It hasn't happened yet, but I bet I get asked before I get rid of this belly flab.

Natalie said...

Becky, you crack me up! Only you could make the early-pregnancy bathroom runs sound funny. I hope your sickness is short-lived! You are my heroine. :)

panamamama said...

So cute! I was just thinking I could probably pass for pg also since my bladder has been permanently stretched by the babies I've had- and my oily skin does glow...

RHI'S PLACE said...

lol you just crack me up.

Heatherlyn said...

What a funny post! I usually wait until the bump is large and round like a basketball popping out before I feel it is safe to ask. That perfect basket-ball roundness helps!

Deanne said...

Yes, I've been asked before if I'm pregnant when I'm not. So flattering. Next time I'll just direct them to your blog so they know more clues to pregnancy (other than the bulge - which alone is not a good indicator).

Welch Mom said...

One thing that bothered me while I was pregnant was the pickle joke. Random annoying person:"Oh look, pregnant lady with a pickle!"(snicker, snicker)
Me:I happen to like pickles all the time, step off!

And yes, I had an empire waist dress and was asked if I was pregnant. No, just in fashion!

Melissa said...

Someone in my ward recently came up to me saying
"Congratulations!"
"For what?" I asked.
"Aren't you pregnant?" was their response. I am not pregnant.

I am glad you can find humor in an unpleasant situation. I hope those babies let you keep something down!