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Showing posts from April, 2009

Be sure to rinse thoroughly

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For some unknown blasphemous reason, Herthusalia, the Greek goddess of bad hair cuts and hair days has visited her wrath upon me.  I don’t know how I might have offended her.  It might have been my random experiments with various shampoos, my inability to commit to one brush, an over use of rubber bands and hair pins, or perhaps my refusal to commit to one specific hair dresser.  Ever since I left the kind and malleable hands of my hair dresser in Michigan, it’s been as if I was the one who shot the albatross.  It now hangs around my neck and shoulders in the form of an overgrown mullet. It wasn’t until today, after I washed and dried my hair that I realized how horrible the mullet was.  From the corner of my eye, as I walked past mirror, a horror filled moment of déjà vu sent me back to the eighties when I insisted upon having the same hairdo as my friend Renee.  My mom took my sister and I to the beauty school where the unthinkable was performed on our heads.  The style didn’t la…

The Dancing Queen!

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There are moments in everyone's life when some thing, or some incident, has "how embarrassing" written all over it in red Sharpie ink.  For me, even the mention of the word "disco" leeks with temporary, high-inducing blots and scribbles.  It is one of those music/dance genres (and eras) that make me blush just thinking about.  At this very moment I am basking in my embarrassment to the glittering beat of ABBA.  Though I'm embarrassed about it, as well as for all those who found themselves trapped in its decade and on its dance floor making Travolta-esque moves, I will still continue to listen.  The one thing you will not see, even if you live to the ripe old age of Methuselah, is me dancing publically to said music genre.   My confession today is that I do actually dance to this kind of music but, like the sighting of the Loch ness monster, this sight will only be a thing of legend and fairytales in which the imagination will have to paint its own nightmar…

Male/Female relationships according to Douglas

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“Did you know that there are lightning bugs (or Fireflies) in Utah? The reason they don’t glow is because they’re all males.  Only the females have bottoms that light up.”Chris and I wondered where baby lightening bugs came from if all the males really are in Utah.  So Douglas, where do babies come from if all the girl lightening bugs were left in Michigan?  If I’d known I wasn’t so out numbered while living in Michigan in the male/female ratio department, I would have adopted a few of those lightning bugs and dressed them in pink.  I never have anyone who will let me dress them in pink.“I know why they call boys, males and girls, females.  It’s because the men always get the mail, and the girls always get the fees.”That’s how it is in our home.  I seem to be the one with the check book powers and therefore the receiver of all of the fees/bills.  Chris just gets the mail because I forget to most days.  “Why do people say male twice whey they say mail man?”I didn’t feel like I needed t…

“Aaaawwwwwoooooo!!!”

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Okay, I couldn’t help it, I had to share with you a photo of the wolf pack for New Moon.  It just had to be done and I  must say, they chose wisely.  This is only 4 of them, so we’re missing at least 2 for this film and then a couple more for Eclipse.  As I said, “Aaaawwwwwoooooo!!!”  Anyway, I am a married woman and will restrain myself from further elaboration, thus leaving all comments to be made by each viewer alone.  From an artistic point of view, I think Mr. Michelangelo would have asked for these dudes to stand still while he made space for them on someone’s ceiling.

Pease Porridge Hot!

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“What year was it when you were seven?  What year was it when you were one?  Did you wear a bonnet when you were little?”1983.  1977. No!These were all questioned posed to me this afternoon by Douglas the Inquisitor.  Curious now, I asked him some questions just to see how old he really saw me and Chris.  “If I wore a bonnet, what kind of hat did daddy where?  How did we travel when I was little?  What did we eat when I was a kid?”Top hat (“one of those tall round ones that are black with a line at the bottom”).  Model T. (“one of those black ones that Henry Ford made).  “Porridge, nine days old.” At least I’m not still in the Stone Age as was previously thought.  Well, it’s 6 in the evening now, so I guess it’s time for me to get my bonnet on, go out back to kill a chicken, get the porridge heating up again (it’s 10 days old now), and look outside to see if Chris has rolled into the driveway in his old Ford P.O.S.!They’ll never notice if it’s 9 days old or instant, it’s that good!

Two Faced Tulips

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My kitchen looks like a jungle thanks to my wishful spring purchases.  My preemptive strike at gardening was a result of some miscommunication and misinterpretation of weather patterns. Spring is a shifty character, beautiful, but cannot be trusted, especially with plants.  Don’t trust that those fat red tulips won’t seek to deceive even the most cunning of gardeners.  Though most bulbs might be able to survive the frost, those temperate climate tomatoes won’t.  I had my suspicions and with a little help from my source (Mr. Weather Channel  005),  I was able to spare the lives of 2 Geraniums, 2 tomato plants, 3 ranunculus, and a fichus, the last of which is to be a permanent house guest.  I will continue undaunted in my fight for the return of a more stable and honest Spring.  In fact, as an act of faith in the season’s ability to repent of its lack of commitment to warmth and sun tans, I will continue to play in the dirt.  Though I might only invest my energy into the pulling of we…

Benefits of Bunnies and Bitamins

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At the last minute I remembered that traditionally people have an Easter dinner for the holiday.  Ever since I’ve been a grown up (I think I’m one of those) it’s hard to remember those things without other family around to celebrate it with.  I remember it being really scary the first time I had to make a turkey and it wasn’t even a whole one.  This year, I remembered to buy a ham only because I happen to be walking in that section of the grocery store.  Well, I cooked it, we had potato salad (gotta use up those boiled eggs), rolls, and pineapple.  I didn’t realize what meat-a-vours my kids were until I saw them gobbling up the ham.  As it is with every meal, we have to stress the benefit of each item on their plate, especially the ones they won’t eat.  They have finally gotten down the benefit of protein.  Because they are growing they have started a level of competitiveness, that being “who has the biggest muscles” contests, and protein is now their ally.  Their minds are always goi…

My Ginsu knife is bigger than yours.

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I am truly a wicked person.  When I happen to want a moment by myself there is one phrase I can utter that will send my kids running down the hall, weeping, whaling, and gnawing on the carpet.  It goes like this, “Hmmm…I think I’m going to sit down and watch Pride and Prejudice.”  “The horror!”  “Oh the humanity!”  “[Dang] them all to [heck]!”  “Rosebud.” and “Soylent Green is people!” can almost all be heard sung in wretched harmony, after such an announcement.  It is this simple phrase that not only gets me a moment of solitary peace, but chromosomal verification that I truly do live in a house full of boys. I’ve reached an impasse, as Edward would say, in the case of Twilight.  I thought for sure, the mention of watching this newly acquired film, would be just one more weapon in my arsenal of fear-causing sentences.  I was wrong.  As I’ve mentioned before, I did let my boys watch it with me when we bought it, just to satisfy their curiosity and to gain a better understanding of th…

Choose your poison

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I rejoice today, for I have found something I thought I’d lost forever, my sense of taste.  My phobia of dentists is a sound fear.  I now, thanks to my apt. two weeks ago, have two pieces of evidence to back up this fear.  First, the one I’d acquired back in 2005, was a dentist’s drill bit that had to be surgically removed from my intestines, and which the removers of said bit, gave to me as a souvenir. “Take care Robin not to hit the tongue, but the gum!”Second,  due to an aiming problem, the latest dentist shot Novocain into my tongue during my last appointment.  When I called to politely complain about it and to enquire as to wether or not this was a permenant condition, he said, “Oh!  We didn’t tell you about our new free diet plan?”  I had to try my hardest to force a polite laugh and then posed the question again, “so, when am I going to get my sense of taste back?”  He put me on hold for a moment.  I’m not sure why, unless he was checking to see if I’d signed the “I promise not…