Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Lady Weighs-alott!

Here it is, the Belly in its 36th week of twin pregnancy.  If you were at the grocery store this morning, I was the one who would take 5 steps, stop, adjust pants and pull shirt back down and then repeat that dance again 5 steps later.

36 weeks c [640x480]

I got yet another congratulatory adieu today at the doctor’s office as I proved once more my inability to dilate until the actual due date and beyond.  I’ll just keep waiting to go into labor or look forward, with an eye glued to the calendar, for the 13th to arrive.

Do we like the picture of me next to my youngest son.  It’s like those samples for size comparisons one sees on containers for various items.  This is one granule of slow release fertilizer next to a quarter.  This is an atom next to a dime (where is it?).  This is me next to a 4 year old and his plastic ostrich (wow!).

Friday, April 23, 2010

Plogging along…

My blog as of late has turned into a pregnancy journal.  Instead of a “blog,” from the term “web log,” I should start calling it my “plog” from “pregnancy log.”

Dear Pregnancy Diary,

Apparently, I am the poster child for how to do twins.  Every visit to the OB and the perinatologist ends in congratulatory pats on the back and way-to-goes.  At 35 weeks, everything and everyone is in their right place, swimming in the correct amount of fluid and, shall I delicately say, the door remains shut.  For this, I get to wait for 3 more weeks to have these girls, putting their c-section/birth date on May 13th, a Thursday.  Pregnant at 38 weeks with twins is not a pretty site and if I were a few inches shorter, I’d most likely end up in a wheel chair.  My first set of twins came at 36 weeks only because my blood pressure was high and after two days of an attempted induction, the whole thing ended in a c-section.  Like I said, the door remains shut on this bearer of twins.  Thankfully, I live in the time that I do, where one can have a quick 6 inch incision and pop, out come the babies.  In my last c-section, the doctor asked if I’d like him to straighten the last c-section line as it was slightly crooked.  This time I’d like to have a little nip and tuck if we’re going for aesthetics.

Besides being uncomfortable, I must admit that I’m a bit impatient to meet these beautiful girls.  I’m not sleeping anyway, so I might as well have someone to talk to while I’m up.  Who knows, I may change my twin-bearing poster child ways and actually go into labor on my own before the “due date.”

Monday, April 19, 2010

What do you see?

Every morning, after I finally find one of the 3 shirts that still fit me and put it on, I look at my reflection in the mirror and compare myself to the fruit that best matches the color of shirt I’m wearing.  For instance, today I look like a gigantic plum.  Yesterday, in my black shirt and skirt, I looked like an eggplant, and the day before I looked like a Granny Smith apple on steroids.  I don’t know if this comparison is natural or if it just happens automatically, kind of like the various results one gets when taking a Rorschach inkblot test. 

imageimage image

Dr. Minivan:  Focus Becky, what do you see on this card today? 

Becky:  Two kumquats exchanging burp-pads and tossing their pacifiers into a pool.

Dr. Minivan:  Uh-huh.  What do you see in this one?

Becky:  A cotton-poly textured watermelon, the size of cow, sitting in a full lotus posture.  The cows legs seem to be asleep and she seems to be mooing for help.

By the results of these tests, you can probably guess that I’m still pregnant.  The eyes of kids whose heads meet the level of my belly, still bulge when they see the giant orb coming their way.  All three of my boys are, on a daily basis, bonked in the head if we happen to pass in the hallway.  They’re used to these assaults but I can hardly wait to have the power to suck-it-in again.  We are all getting excited to meet the new baby sisters and I’ve even heard Reed tell others how he’s got to learn how to change a diaper now. 

Becky:  So, Dr. Minivan, what do you see in this picture?

Dr. Minivan:  Ketchup mashed into carpet, a chicken nugget stuck between to carseats, and a straw flying toward the driver’s head.

Becky:  Uh-huh.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Giggle: a silly, spasmodic laugh; titter

Five Sights and Sounds that make me giggle…

1.  Large men on mopeds:  Whenever I see it, I instantly start hearing polka music being played on an accordion in my mental background.  I’m not sure if I imagine the sound because the image goes so perfectly, but it happens every time. 

2.  Words like:  This may reveal my immature nature, but here they are.

pupa:  an insect in the nonfeeding, usually immobile, transformation stage between the larva and the imago.

carbuncle:  the nice and more modern definition of this word would be a zit, but it gets worse than that.

peevish:  cross, querulous, or fretful

bumfuzzle:  to confuse or fluster

diphthong:   an unsegmentable, gliding speech sound varying continuously in phonetic quality but held to be a single sound or phoneme and identified by its apparent beginning and ending sound, as the oi-sound of toy or boil.

coccyx:  a small triangular bone forming the lower extremity of the spinal column in humans, consisting of four ankylosed rudimentary vertebrae.

masticate:  to chew

uvula:  the small, fleshy, conical body projecting downward from the middle of the soft palate.

A few more…

flagellum

cilia

Uranus (no safe way to pronounce that one)  It was temporarily named Georgium Sidus after King George the III, meaning Georgian Planet.  That one a much more innocent ring to it, don’t you think?

3.  Dinner time conversations with my kids:  Tonight, while eating his eggs, toast, and broccoli, Douglas asked how often people died from poisoned food (I don’t think he was talking about this particular dinner).  We explained that usually when it happens it’s not on purpose, that either the food wasn’t cleaned properly or the meat wasn’t prepared correctly.  Then Chris said that intentional poisoning don’t really happen any more.  Then I remembered the guy who was running for president in Ukraine and how he’d been poisoned by the Russians.  After that, there was a whole list of intentional poisonings we were able to recollect, all of which were performed by the Russians.  In the end, I reassured him that I would never poison his food, yes even if he thought it tasted worthy of the word.

4.  Listening to my kids giggle

5.  Really short ladies driving huge SUVs.

What makes you giggle?

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Where do they come from?

Here we go again.  Why do kids have to know everything?  Why won’t they take the abstract answers we offer? 

image

Isaac:  Hey, where do little girls come from?

Mommy:  The same place as little boys, from Heaven.

Isaac:  But how do you get fat?

Mommy:  Because that’s where they grow, in my tummy.

Isaac:  But how?

Mommy:  When mommies and daddies get married they decide that they want to have babies.

Isaac:  So they go to the baby store after they get married?

Mommy:  Something like that.  Hey, do you want to watch a movie?

4 year olds…

Monday, April 5, 2010

House Ladderson

imageI’m starting to wonder if Petsmart will soon be putting us on a “do-not-sell-to-these-people” list.  We would be classified under the “Dora” owners, the “fish-killer” owners, and screeching Psycho music would go off upon our entering the store.  We didn’t mean to kill the fish, but as of this morning we could be charged in the accidental homicides of two goldfish.  Despite our best efforts, House and Ladder died within 12 hours of each other and the cause is still unknown.  We returned last night to find House lying sideways at the bottom of the bowl, motionless while Ladder looked on in a depressed manner, or as depressed as an orange and black goldfish can look.  Chris discovered the scene first and quickly flushed him away where, we hope, his act ended and he regained life and is now the happy resident in a sewer-fish community. 

After House’s death, Isaac decided to give Ladder, House’s name.  Reed suggested we call him House Ladderson.  Where do they come up with this stuff?!  Well, as I’ve said, they died within 12 hours of each other.  Chris flushed House Ladderson down the toilet this morning before he left for work.  Perhaps it was the name change, the fresh water, too much food, a terminal illness, sorrow for the loss of House the First, we don’t know, but we also hope for the best in his case.

All it took us was 6 days before the guys went “belly up.”  I must say that’s better than the first fish we owned from, eh-hem… Petsmart, who lasted only 3 days.  He was a Betta whose cause of death was most likely related to the Honey Nut Cheerio and olive I found floating along side him in his bowl.  Fortunately, I discovered him early enough that only the Cheerio had had time to expand.  This particular incident happened while we lived in Michigan and it’s been almost 3 years since the death of Patfish the Betta.  I suppose I’ll have to wait for a couple of years before we attempt it again just in case Petsmart keeps a record of such things.  I don’t know the exact length of time for the statute of limitations on fish killings, but I figure we should wait a bit, or go to another state for our next purchase.

Now, for a moment of bubble silence as we mourn the passing of these two ectothermic beings………bubble.

Christmas 2017- The Case of the Giggles

         “ My liege, and madam, to expostulate What majesty should be, what duty is, Why day is day, night night, and time is time, ...