Sunday, January 13, 2013

Another Ventilation Shaft

My husband Chris was recently called to be a counselor in the Bishopric of our church ward (in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) and with this calling you are expected to sit on the stand with the other counselor and the bishop.  Most of you, knowing the number of children we have, can therefore imagine what my days at church will be like now - in particular, Sacrament meeting.  Yes, 5 children and not just any 5 children, but two 2 1/2 year old girls, one 7 year old boy, and two 11 year old boys and one lonely control-top-panty-hosed me.  It’s actually kind of hard not to find panty hose that are not control top which must mean there are a lot of out of control…  Anyway, it’s 5 to 1. 

In the old days, like up till two weeks ago, Chris and I played the roles of buffers, me on one end and him on the other, keeping runners, crawlers, and rollers contained in a single row of chairs.  With that other buffer now on the stand, I find that I have turned into an ineffective tyrant whose loudly whispered vocabulary has been honed down to, “SHHHH!”, “that’s another time-out for you!”, and “Stop  ____________ (fill in the blank)!”  Actually, the lines have always been about the same, but now there is no supportive masculine echo and no, “obey your mother, or else” ‘s. Today, I realized that I need a new plan for coping in church. Here’s how that realization came to be:

Today’s meeting started with the boys loudly playing Rock-Paper-Scissors.  Next came the “he’s poking me” complaints, soon to be harmonized by a duet of high notes singing praises about cell phones and marshmallows, then a soft descant of long, “ahhhhhs!” in Italian of course.  The repeat was taken 3 times and the coda was ignored; to be replaced by waving to the familiar handsome man in the suit up on the stand while yelling “Daddy, that’s Daddy!”.  At this point the Italian started up again but with some “eeeees!” and giggles (those ones are in German). 

There was, at last, an intermission of about two minutes where the sacrament bread and water was being passed.  Next to us was a kind girl who was acting, unbeknownst to her, as an imaginary, yet uneducated buffer. As she passed the bread to me, she kindly put it in front of Miriam who, instead of seeing symbolism saw lunch and grabbed a large handful before the girl could hand me the tray.  What do you do?  The same thing almost happened with the water but thankfully I have long arms and was able to hold it high above their reaching paws. 

The intermission having ended, the final straw, marshmallow, or squeal happened when one girl (E) ran full speed up to their dad while a lady was giving a talk. E peeked out at everyone over the railing, and went up and down the stairs. After a few minutes, the other girl decided to join the fun, and ran up to sit on dad’s lap.  The boys were too embarrassed to grab their sisters, so I ended up having to delicately gallop, shod in high heals, up to the stand to grab them and bring them down (with Chris’s help).  Only, as I said, that was the last straw. So, instead of going back to our seats, I dragged them all out to the car and drove home in a shaky huff, changed two poopy diapers and popped open a diet coke with a side of chocolate.  Next week will be better, right?  I’ll kick off the heals before the gallop next time.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Rusty Shovel Muscles

Actually, I don’t think I have shovel muscles but was making them up as I went along.  They are there only in spirit and it took a ton of spirit to move all of that snow.  I told Chris that I wanted to shovel because then I could get a workout.  1/4 of the way in I realized I should have hired those 3 boys who came by trying to earn money for shoveling snow.  The thing is, they were way to pricey and wouldn’t take my offered two bits.  Kids now-a-days.

Here you see Thing 1 and Thing 2 enjoying their ketchup with fries.  Yes, I know my girls have the hair styles of lions but what can you do?  Have any of you tried to groom a moving target?

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Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Christmas, numb tongue, and someone got hitched!

I have no clue how my kids manage to get up at 7 am on holidays and weekends, yet are like waking the dead on those every day school mornings.  I truly should look into the art of necromancy for those every day wake-up calls.  So, they came in at actually 6:30 Christmas morning wondering why we wouldn’t get up for Christmas.   Well, someone had to stay up late and force cookies down a reindeer’s throat and wipe up the spilt milk, not to mention the soot left by Santa’s boots.  Mornings are rough on elves.  We had a lovely Christmas morning and evening with family.  Unfortunately, there was a stomach bug that jumped from one family member to another family member, choosing carefully who to land on, and I was one of those chosen, along with my Dad, uncle Dave, aunt Jodi, and Grandpa P.  I may have missed someone, but I’m pretty darned sure I was one of its victims.  I will not be craving that particular night’s dinner for a long time.
Time in the snow and trying to soak up a little vitamin D, a rarely gotten one during the winter.  I actually did hear that in order to get the proper amount of vitamin D from the sun, you need to have at least 75% of your body exposed and for at least 20 minutes.  Ah well, at least we got to see the sun and feel it’s warming rays on our faces.

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Cold tongue…bluh…

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I was so glad I was able to fly down to California to attend one of my bestest of friend’s wedding.  She married, from what I could tell, a very nice man.  I actually just met him but I figure if Christi likes him, he must be quite the catch!  I am so happy for them and even jealous knowing they are going down to the Caribbean for their honeymoon.  They were married in a little chapel by the beach and the view was absolutely gorgeous!  Going to California in the winter is the greatest therapy, especially when one is leaving a temp. of 11F and arriving in a temp. of 63F.  The trip also included staying with my dad and wrapping up some things.  We managed to meet my sister and her husband to see the Hobbit, which I loved. Ah, Golem, what an absolutely insane yet strangely adorable multiple personality hobbit. Yes, Precious. 

Merry Christmas!

December 2018 (Cliff’s notes version:  Merry Christmas, we love you all, and have a happy New Year!) Dear Family and Friends (...