Friday, July 3, 2009

Hand-Modeling Career Gone South

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Where George Costanza could have gone if it weren’t for…ah, well, prison will probably do him a lot better than a role on Oobi.

For the longest time I’ve wondered if people with long nails are as good at hard labor as people with short nails.  Ever since I’ve been taking pre-natal vitamins (no I am not pregnant but am in the “pre” part of that word, not that “natal” at the moment) my nails have grown at a more accelerated rate.  I’m not really that much of a nail bitter but have on occasion, when the clippers have disserted, had to use my teeth to rid my finger of an protruding annoyance. However, with the occasional emergency assistance of the canines, I have always kept my nails trimmed and clean.  Anyway, I have twice this week, caught a finger nail on some object because the nail was longer than usual and both times, brace your gross-out-o-meter, pulled the nail backward, and detaching it from the skin as a result.  Anyone can imagine the pain and visualize that manicur-ial atrocity without too much effort.  If ever I were to attempt long nails I know I’d end up with a gnarled collection of nails, pools of blood, and a sailor’s mouth of swear words.

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So, let me rephrase my question, how in the world do people with long nails get anything that requires elbow, or finger grease, done?  Please enlighten me because I am at this moment typing with a handicapped index finger.  Because of my experiences I have the inkling that all of you with beautiful nails, and I don’t mean to offend, haven’t done any deep down and dirty scrubbing since your last manicure!  Ouch…my nail!

5 comments:

Natalie said...

First of all, I'm excited for you to be in the "pre" phase of the "natal" process. Secondly, I am in the same boat. My nails grow like crazy when I take prenatal vitamins, and they always snag and bend backwards. I feel your pain, sister! It must be a violin-player thing...I can't stand having any white on my fingernails!

Heatherlyn said...

I have no idea! I keep my nails short because I hate getting ANYTHING underneath them. The longer the nails, the more stuff seems to get underneath them. How gross and unsanitary!

Brenny said...

My mom has had beautiful manicured nails (acrylic, so hardier, but still beautiful) for years. She also had three daughters to do the REALLY down and dirty work. So there you go -- people with nice nails have servants.

I like having longer nails (I'm in the 'pre' pre-natal phase, too. High five. I'm in desperate need of a hair cut -- those vitamins sure make hair grow) but I don't necessarily like being mocked for yelling, "I broke a nail!" when I help Darren with his projects. And I never paint my nails -- I wash my hands too much and they only stay nice for a day...

mommymuse said...

I had beautiful long nails until I had kids. A couple weeks of changing poopy diapers and cleaning up spit-up permanently turned me off. It's been six years and I keep those babies (nails, not my actual babies) trimmed short, short, short. When I see long nails now I think GERMS. Bonus--I don't have to constantly trim to play the organ because they are already trimmed. I relegate long nails to my younger and more foolish days.

Melisa said...

I can't do long nails either. I suck with long nails. I'm useless. I keep wanting them, but it never lasts long. Sigh.

impsynte