Baby Huey

Dear Dr. Minivan,

Am I the only woman on earth who thinks maternity pictures, specifically the naked belly poses, are the weirdest things ever?  If you’re going to do it, you might as well document the whole grotesque thing from start to finish. 

1.  Flat stomach, or in my case, baggy stomach from previous pregnancies. 

2.  The growing of the bulge, month by month up to the belly button pop, cooked turkey-timer style. 

3.  The ready-to-explode stomach leaving the stretch marks and any other scars there.  Photoshop will be a no-no. 

4. The post delivery belly as it returns, or tries to return, to the proper pre-pregnancy size and placement. 

I think what is most disturbing about these pictures is the bare belly.  I must have a keener sense of Victorian modesty during my own pregnancy, than others.  I’m constantly trying to find the longer pregnancy shirts, the larger belly holding pant waste bands, all in an attempt  to NOT look like Baby Huey.  

In the past, and even now, we take pictures of my clothed belly in order to document the unbelievable size it is, and the bigger plans it has to achieve.  For me, being the carrier of twins, it has the same sensational response as perusing those World Record books.  The woman with the longest neck, the guy with the largest ring in his lip, the tallest man or shortest man, or the 3 headed duck.  Yes, it’s freaky that one belly could hold so much and I’ve only got two.  Let’s try the lady with 8!

Anyway, this entry was inspired by my having run across this type of photography a little earlier today in which it almost made the lunch I finally got down, come back up.  Again, I’m probably alone in my opinion of this type of photography but I nearly always want to hurl just looking at my own belly, so why in the world would I want to look at anyone else's?  To each their own, just keep it in the closed photo album on the book shelf next to the video tape that recorded the whole gory delivery, in front of the bottled placenta and across from beaker of chord blood.

On a more positive and non-critical note, I can hardly wait to see these babies, the ones that wiggle all over the place and make themselves known through kicks and summersaults.  Seeing them on the ultrasounds is such a treat and they are already beautiful even in black and white sonar.  Life is truly a miracle and I feel very blessed to be allowed to help raise them along with the totally awesome children I already have.

Sincerely,

Baby Huey, a.k.a. The Vented anti-bare-belliest