“Never give up, never surrender.”

Mama’s Losin’ it Challenge

#4)  The first day of…


The first day of… exercise is usually the last.  How convenient and well packaged the whole experience is.  Putting the two events on one day sure leaves plenty of time for other things of a less strenuous nature.  That’s what I call simplifying my life or as Martha would say, “a good thing.”  I know, I know, I know, this is really a bad thing and must be helped.  I did spot a friend at the gym today who managed to commit me to going to a weight lifting class with her so I guess this was the first day and not the last of my goal to exercise at least 3 days a week.

#5)  Share your friendly advice for someone you think needs it.


Dear Dr. Minivan,

I have a friend, actually there are three of these friends, and they happen to have a littering problem, not so much in public but at home…o.k. these people I know happen to be my children.  They walk around with a variety of objects which could include army men, Lego pieces, Hot Wheels, Jedis, food, wrappers, etc. and the moment their brain no longer is interested in the held item, the signal to release the object fires, leaving the item abandoned on the carpet.  Because of my preference to go bare-footed, I am usually the one who discovers and loudly announces, with squeals of pain, that the abandoned car or Lego piece has been found.  Please Doctor Minivan, help me.

Sincerely, Litter-aly Helpless

Dear Litter-aly Helpless,

Having known you and your family these last 4 years, I believe I have the advantage of seeing things as they really are, having been witness to smaller spaces littered in tapestries of Macdonald’s ketchup, dried pickles, M&M’s with their thick candy shells, and at least four Pollock-inspired stained glass windows;  I do know how you suffer, and I pity you.  Being the driver, you are somewhat limited in the actions you can take, and would most likely get a ticket or drive off a cliff if you attempted anything more aggressive than the occasional “don’t.”  However, once you have released these litter bugs from the car and have invited them into your home, you need to take on a new role.  That of the enforcer, the matron, the nag, the pick-that-up-now-or-else lady.  Because of my large axels I cannot enter your house to give you ideas for your exact problem but as a listening friend I shall tell you what I’ve told all who have found themselves in similar circumstances, move out!  No, just kidding…

First, announce that there is to be a change.  Once they are looking up with curiosity and innocence, tell them, that there has to be a stop to the dropping-of-things-on-the-floor method of discarding unwanted objects.  You might have to adjust this advice to fit your audience, but be sure to speak with kindness and to avoid any words that you would not want repeated.

Second, be an example and show them, pantomime a situation if you think it might work.  Be sure to do it with all seriousness, oh, and stretch before getting down on the floor with them, we wouldn’t want the teacher becoming the object that needs assistance in being removed from the floor, now would we?

Third, in the early stages of this clean floor act, follow them around, be aware of what they are holding and once you notice that the item is about to be released, remind them in firm but gentle words to put the item where it goes, i.e. the trash or toy box.

Fourth, you need to…oh, crap, I gotta go, my mini-er vans are throwing popcorn all over the new carpet, oh, no!  Keep that oil in until we can pull over!  Don’t say that Honker, gas jokes are not funny.  We should never joke about other people’s gas…sorry…

Till the next time and may you all be successful…

Sincerely, Dr. Minivan


Natalie said…
You crack me up! I hope Dr. Minivan's advice gets rid of the interior littering problems soon.
Heatherlyn said…
Oh, our minivan is a dissaster too! I think it will get a little bit better as the kids get older? Maybe? I have to have hope!

(I'm with you on the exercize. It's so hard to keep doing it. Good luck with the wieght training!)
Rachel said…
Fabulous! My 3 do the exact same thing..and I constantly give the "this has to stop speech" at which they nod and say ok...as they are dropping food or toys from their hands and walking off. And the van, yeah the inside looks as bad as the outside...they get blame for one and I get the other. Shameful really.
Dan said…
Interior littering is the great scourge of adolescent parenting. It happens in the house, in the car, and especially in the bedroom. Entering a teenage boys room is deadly!

Good luck on getting yours to head the timely advice.
Brenny said…
You make me laugh SO hard. Honker? Other people's gas? Classic. Let me know if Dr. Minivan's advice works...

And I'm such a nerd, but your subject makes me want to watch Galaxy Quest. I haven't seen that movie in FOREVER.
-Ang said…
It's always nice to hear you're not alone -especially in family woes such as messy cars. I always told myself I would never be one of those moms with a disgusting car...HAA! Life has a funny way of teaching us lessons for our prior judgementalness :).
Your Dr. Minivan advice is hillarious!! It reminds me of the "Alice in Wonderland" quote... "I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it." ;)
You're cute!
Melisa said…
You are so stinkin' hilarious. I wish I could go to the gym with you. I miss you.


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