Hand-Modeling Career Gone South

Where George Costanza could have gone if it weren’t for…ah, well, prison will probably do him a lot better than a role on Oobi.

For the longest time I’ve wondered if people with long nails are as good at hard labor as people with short nails.  Ever since I’ve been taking pre-natal vitamins (no I am not pregnant but am in the “pre” part of that word, not that “natal” at the moment) my nails have grown at a more accelerated rate.  I’m not really that much of a nail bitter but have on occasion, when the clippers have disserted, had to use my teeth to rid my finger of an protruding annoyance. However, with the occasional emergency assistance of the canines, I have always kept my nails trimmed and clean.  Anyway, I have twice this week, caught a finger nail on some object because the nail was longer than usual and both times, brace your gross-out-o-meter, pulled the nail backward, and detaching it from the skin as a result.  Anyone can imagine the pain and visualize that manicur-ial atrocity without too much effort.  If ever I were to attempt long nails I know I’d end up with a gnarled collection of nails, pools of blood, and a sailor’s mouth of swear words.

So, let me rephrase my question, how in the world do people with long nails get anything that requires elbow, or finger grease, done?  Please enlighten me because I am at this moment typing with a handicapped index finger.  Because of my experiences I have the inkling that all of you with beautiful nails, and I don’t mean to offend, haven’t done any deep down and dirty scrubbing since your last manicure!  Ouch…my nail!