“The horror! The horror!”
3.) Open your picture folders…find a random “February” picture from a past year and tell a story.
Let’s see, how can I put this story in a delicate way, in a way which will spare or at least pad the tender imaginations of so many.
Once upon a time, on a day in February during the year 2006, two little boys of around 4 years of age, were discovered by their father in the basement surrounded by the contents of a torn open bathroom trash bag. This father, upon his arrival to the subterranean level of his home, was met with a horrific sight, the kind only found in “Grosser than Gross” novels. To get the best visual possible from this scene, let us first peruse the area in the order in which he did. First, his twin sons sitting on the floor, covered/painted red all over their faces and hands. Second, the white walls painted in red streaks at about the 3 foot level. Third, the spilled contents of the bathroom trashcan. Forth, those contents: tissues, used dental floss, and an assortment of a certain monthly visitor’s grotesque leftovers. Fifth, another look at his children’s faces and the similarity in color to the spilled contents and their painted faces. Lastly, an out of body experience of horror felt by the father and revealed in a inchoate cry of disgust, that if put into words would have translated, “The horror! The horror!”
If you could not imagine the scene that this poor father saw, consider yourself blessed, yet guilty of a lack of imagination. At the sound of that cry, the mother of the twins, and wife of the disgusted husband, came running to see what could have torn such a sound from her dear one’s throat. “What’s the matter?” she begs. The husband, now nearly speechless, points to the scene, for his wife to see. She, being the type of person to adopt the rational perspective if someone else has already claimed the irrational, took it all in with a more scientific view. She slowly approached her two children who were now staring wide eyed, yet somehow guiltily at their parents, in order to get a better look. Tip-toeing carefully over the red matter, she silently reached her children, crouched down to see their faces and what they still might have in their clenched hands, all the while praying that the label “Kotex” would not be found. She took a quick glance back at her husband to verify that he hadn’t fainted and then focused back on the faces of her bright eyed boys. At first glance, one might think that these 4 year olds had joined a cult where blood sacrifice and bodily graffiti was a right of passage. However, upon closer inspection and the correct placement of lighting one would quickly see that this particular cult would have been founded by either Maybelline or Mary Kay, as the red that now framed those faces could be no other than the recently discarded “Amber Suede.” She quickly reassured her husband that it was only lipstick and pointed out that it glittered. He tentatively, and somewhat shakily, took the last few steps down the stairs and walked into the room. He asked her if she was sure it was lipstick and then took a closer look for himself. In order to ease her husband’s mind, she also verified that the red on the wall also belonged to the same tube of lipstick and quickly found the newly worn down tip to give him as proof.
Laughter soon followed, more from the wife than the husband, and then the cleaning up and the proper reprimand given to the children. All in all, a pretty harmless affair, however putting the husband off completely from supporting his wife in any future lipstick purchases. She didn’t really like wearing the stuff anyway and would from that point on make sure chap stick or any other clear gloss, be her choice in the art of lip appeal.