Saturday, January 3, 2009

"Do or do not, there is no try."

yoda

We are encouraged, persuaded, bribed, threatened and sometimes forced to better ourselves.  Encourage:  "Try not to so accurately aim that spit at your brother's face."  Persuade:  "Please, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't spit on your brother." Bribe:  "If you don't spit on your brother mummy won't feed you to the lions." Force:  "Where's the duct tape?"  Anyway, here are a few goals I've chosen to share with the world in hopes that someone might encourage, persuade, bribe, threaten and force me to accomplish throughout the year.  Will power, where do I get some?

Goal 1:  Make sure my kids shower at least once a week.  I asked Douglas today when he had last showered  and he said "last year."  I'm pretty sure he's had at least one since, but close enough.

google-logo

Goal 2:  Google the location to my gym, "I know it's somewhere around here."

hole-in-ozone-layer

Goal 3:  Potty train Isaac.  How does one train a boy who's afraid to sit on the toilet, doesn't mind walking around in a dirty diaper, and looks forward to the explosive disgust his parents express while changing a diaper with ozone depleting capabilities.  By the way, if you're looking for that hole, it's right over our house next to the mushroom cloud and a mysterious shape shifting green puff of smoke.

vacuum cleaner bag pine needles

Goal 4:  Take down Christmas tree before it takes us down.  I was thinking that maybe instead of trying to remove our carnivorous tree we could do some sort of contained explosion and then just vacuum up the ashes.  This would probably bring some sort of consolation and closure to the family of the impaled chipmunk trapped in it's pine scented  fangs.  We could even bury the vacuum bag and have a moment of silence for the little guy.

vegetable man

Summer, 1573 by Giuseepe Arcimboldo

Goal 5:  Discover new food groups.  Maybe I could find a poster of that food pyramid and put it on the refrigerator door.  If that doesn't encourage healthy eating I could go so far as to scare myself into it by putting up one of those fleshy Peter Paul Rubens paintings, the man who declared cellulite sexy, ew.

10 comments:

The Hoyal Family said...

Very Funny! Good luck with those goals. Especially number 3! Potty training is my least favorite part of being a mom!

Raela said...

Becky,

You never cease to amaze me... do I say that all of the time?

I lOVE your resolutions! I once did an art peice depicting a Giuseepe Arcimboldo style. If I still have it maybe I'll put it up to remind me to eat healthy... or maybe it will make me sick to my stomach so I don't want to eat! :) Either way I need to loose weight. :)

Love ya,
Raela

P.S. Austin sure does have kissable cheeks! :) Thanks for noticing. Poor kid didn't have a chance with his mommy's genes. :)

Mommy Of 2 said...

You are hilarious! Good luck with all those things, I feel good that at least I can say my 2 year ld is potty trained for the most part ahhhhh finally!

Melisa said...

I wish we could still workout together. It was so much fun. Sigh...

Natalie said...

I'll bribe you to take down your Christmas tree if you bribe me to take down mine. Let's see...how about a 72 oz. mini-keg of icy, cold Diet Coke (fountain, of course) and a bar of extra-lush Swiss chocolate? Not enough? We should hit a spa together for a post-Post-Holiday-Decoration-Removal-Session facial. Yay for you for resolving to do anything in the first place. I totally gave up this year and didn't! :)

Steve and Claudia said...

Becky! Thank you for being the first (other than Rae) to leave a message on my budding blog -- you win my unannounced blog prize. Too bad you don't need the gift-boxed, gold-bonded thesaurus signed by Guttenburg (German spellings always get me) himself. You write plenty well enough without anyone's help, dear girl!

mommymuse said...

Those all sound very do-able. Except for potty training Isaac, which is just pure fantasy on your part :). Btw, I have a strong aversion to Rubenesque art ever since my brother told me in high school that he was sure eventually I'd get married because, according to Ruben & Botticelli, some men like that kind of look. WAAAHHHH.

The Fraker's Acres said...

I would like to bribe you, Miss Becky, into writing a book. I think Natalie has encouraged, persuaded, and begged you a few times with no resolve. Maybe she and I can double team you into authorism in a "double bribe-off." That's when two people, who are actually teammates working toward the same goal, try to out bribe eachother in convincing the bribee of the common cause. With that said, I will buy you a Diet Coke Fountain Machine for your beautiful home, if I find one on craigslist of course, if you will pen a novel. With your witty humor, I don't see any possible way it wouldn't be a huge success! I LOVE YOUR BLOG!

Brenny said...

Where can I get one of those pictures? You know, the celulite ones? It might motivate me. GREAT goals -- I love the list.

Am I a total geek because I used my Yoda voice to say the title of your post? Not out loud... well almost. :)

Welch Mom said...

What you do not like the old masters of painting who made all women look like men?