"Do or do not, there is no try."
We are encouraged, persuaded, bribed, threatened and sometimes forced to better ourselves. Encourage: "Try not to so accurately aim that spit at your brother's face." Persuade: "Please, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't spit on your brother." Bribe: "If you don't spit on your brother mummy won't feed you to the lions." Force: "Where's the duct tape?" Anyway, here are a few goals I've chosen to share with the world in hopes that someone might encourage, persuade, bribe, threaten and force me to accomplish throughout the year. Will power, where do I get some?
Goal 1: Make sure my kids shower at least once a week. I asked Douglas today when he had last showered and he said "last year." I'm pretty sure he's had at least one since, but close enough.
Goal 2: Google the location to my gym, "I know it's somewhere around here."
Goal 3: Potty train Isaac. How does one train a boy who's afraid to sit on the toilet, doesn't mind walking around in a dirty diaper, and looks forward to the explosive disgust his parents express while changing a diaper with ozone depleting capabilities. By the way, if you're looking for that hole, it's right over our house next to the mushroom cloud and a mysterious shape shifting green puff of smoke.
Goal 4: Take down Christmas tree before it takes us down. I was thinking that maybe instead of trying to remove our carnivorous tree we could do some sort of contained explosion and then just vacuum up the ashes. This would probably bring some sort of consolation and closure to the family of the impaled chipmunk trapped in it's pine scented fangs. We could even bury the vacuum bag and have a moment of silence for the little guy.
Summer, 1573 by Giuseepe Arcimboldo
Goal 5: Discover new food groups. Maybe I could find a poster of that food pyramid and put it on the refrigerator door. If that doesn't encourage healthy eating I could go so far as to scare myself into it by putting up one of those fleshy Peter Paul Rubens paintings, the man who declared cellulite sexy, ew.