The Loch Ness Driver
I never thought it would be possible to live in a city of about 119,000 people and know who the slowest driver in the city was and see him at least once a month living up to his title. I know he is the slowest, not only from my observations, but because there are others including Chris, who have also seen him. He is the Loch Ness monster of Lansing but you have to be going at least 5 miles below the speed limit in a 30 mile an hour zone or you'll never see him. Those who go any faster will only see a blue blur and perhaps a hand with a particular finger extended blocking your view. He drives a Ford Crown Victoria which is the same car used by the police department. He even has all the extra antennae that a cop would have, but with a plethora of stickers. I'm surprised I don't have them memorized as one would have plenty of safe reading time going his preferred speed. If he were to drive up behind you in that dark blue color you'd swear you were being pursued, except for the fact that he's probably never been at a "pursuing" speed in his entire life and wouldn't be able to maintain the actual speed to get that close. I think he thinks of himself as the speed regulator of the city.
We live off a road called Miller which has a 30 mph speed limit. It's very difficult and even trying on my ankle to go that slow. I've had to use the cruise control in order to keep in the limit. A couple of months ago I got caught behind him on the complete opposite side of town from us in a 45 mph zone and he was going 30mph. If I were to change lanes I'd be behind a lady who looked like she was 90 years old, who could hardly see above the steering wheel and was driving a Subaru station wagon. I changed lanes and watched in awe as she passed this guy with ease. She probably felt a little nervous thinking she was going above the speed limit and I could picture her looking up and down at the speedometer verifying her speed while she timidly passed him. Out of great respect, and completely out of character, I continued to follow her, still 5 miles below the speed limit, to give her the support and reverence old ladies never get on the road.