Boys, Girls and Shrieking Eels...

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."

"Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake. That's called Houdini. Love is liking someone a lot."--Jack Handy
"Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing, I'm thinking of a monorail."

Sorry, this seems to be another epic...

Today, after school, Douglas informed me that he has a girlfriend. I asked him what her name is. It's Emma, and she's in his class. I then clarified that she is his friend who happens to be a girl and then he corrected me and said, "no, she is my girlfriend." I then asked him what he likes about her. He said that she helps him clean up. "Anything else?" I asked. "Well there's just so many things. It would make me tired to tell you all of them." He should use that line when he's about 23, but not until then.

At least Douglas isn't having a problem identifying that Emma is a girl. Reed has a kid in his class that he's never sure if it's a boy or a girl. So, he'll say, child x is a "boy-girl". He says this with all sincerity. He's a boy by the way, with a long braided gangster do. I don't think kindergarten is the age for parents to express their unwillingness to comply with "the system" through the hair styles they give their children. Identity is not something a 5 year old boy needs to be dealing with while still trying to figure out how to tie shoe laces, check out books from the library, or figure out the intricate workings of the drinking fountain. Keep it simple moms and dads, not expressive. Your child will want to "express" him/herself sooner than you want and probably not in the way you would like.

Please read the following to get a better understanding of the next excerpt:

The Boat: The Shrieking Eels--from The Princess Bride

[Buttercup jumps overboard]

Vizzini: What?! Go in!! Go after her!!!

Inigo: [frankly] I don't swim.

Fezzik: [turning to Vizzini] I only dog-paddle...

Vizzini: Aauuuggghhhhh!!!!!!

Vizzini: Veer left!...left!...left! [suddenly, horrible screeching is heard] Do you know what that sound is, highness? Those are the shrieking eels! If you don't believe me, just wait. They always grow louder when they're about to feed on human flesh! If you swim back now I promise no harm will come to you...I doubt you'll get such an offer from the eels.

Ouch!!!! As I write this Isaac is screaming with the highest, loudest, pain killing-est scream ever! My ears are crying for relief and ear plugs. Speaking of the "shrieking eel", he's started reverting to baby behaviors. We babysat a friend's baby a while ago and this baby had a pacifier, the same kind we used with the boys when they were babies. We never had much luck with any of them taking one. They even mastered the skill of power spit launching the things. Well, Isaac found one in a cupboard in his room and now sucks on it for fun. The funny part is, when he's not sucking on it, he's got it sticking out the side of his mouth, like a cigar. Now this really does sound like an unhealthy habit. What is a mother to do about a shrieking eel addicted to pacifier cigar smoking who likes playing with trains and golf balls?

On a lighter note, or non-child note, I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to… I didn't actually change my insurance. I actually haven't changed much at all. I'm even wearing the same outfit I wore yesterday. Why keep getting stuff spilled on clean cloths? Uh… maybe I shouldn't have revealed that, oh well. Tonight is another long night for Chris at school so I have the job of putting everyone to bed by myself. It's nights like this when I realize how wonderful it is to have Chris around. He does so much for me and the boys. "[He] helps me clean up" and "Well there's just so many things, it would make me tired to tell you all of them." Five year olds and two year olds, what do I do with them? Chris' answer to his mom when she asked "what should I do with you?", he answered, "love me and wait for me to grow up." ( I hope I got that quote right, but it was so very cute!)


Cheers to wearing the same outfit two days in a row!! Besides my three fish who are constantly begging for food (I do feed them!) who else am I going to see during the day? I have a feeling I'm going to regret saying this and that I should knock on wood quickly. Burp cloths never
work(ed). If I had it on my right shoulder then Isaac would turn his head and spit up all down my left side.
Melisa said…
That is too funny. Princess Bride is my favorite. Oh how I loved watching the midnight showing on the big screen at the Y. Not that it is legal anymore. Man, that was a long time ago...

At least you got dressed. I picked up my kid from school in pjs today.

And I totally hear you on putting kids to bed by yourself. I get headaches just thinking about it.
Naomi said…
Was that my baby with the pacifier that was a bad influence on Isaac? She also could give Isaac a run for his money in the shrieking area. Oh my aching ears!

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