Just a ventilation project


Taking children into public places is almost as dangerous as jumping on a trampoline with a land mine chained to your ankle.  In the case of taking mine to a store, it comes out as more of a psychologically damaging experience merely from the anticipation of said bomb exploding.  (Side note:  have you ever noticed how stressful opening those cardboard-wrapped containers holding Pillsbury biscuit dough can be?  I have other people open them for me, as the suspense is too great and I nearly go into cardiac arrest every time it pops open).

I think it's hard to fully understand public display of children, or PDC, unless you are personally involved and have been slowly worn down one whine at a time.  Whenever all of those hired specialists come into a chaotic child infested setting, fresh from a full night of sleep, chipper after their caffeine stimulants, and mentally prepared, of course having read up on the subject on misbehaving children the night before, one would think the parents are just ill-trained morons.  Characters like "Supernanny" make it look so easy, like the parents are just looking at things from the wrong point of view and just need to step back and go into it with a new game plan.  I suppose, if the parents could stay the night in a hotel, get 20 minute breaks every 3 hours, 15 minutes with HR discussing where they're going with this kid cultivation project, that they too could manage with the same success as Supernanny.


A masterpiece of shopping cart art, love it!

Shopping experience:

Cart selection arguments

Department destination arguments

Running up and down aisles while trying to get the loudest tennis shoe squeak.

Taking on the role of floor sweepers while trying to perfect the Worm.

"Can we get a toy" repeated at 10 second intervals for at least a half an hour.

Keeping an eye out for rogue toys who feel that jumping into a patrons cart will be their one way pass to freedom.  Theory behind this one is "if it's in the cart mommy will buy it."

O.k, I'm done with this ventilation project.  Can one buy groceries over the Internet?


Julie said…
You have the best sense of humor! I understand however that the "ventilation project" was more an effort to keep your sanity than to entertain me. My boys seldom (notice I didn't say never)practice their slid in the supermarket anymore. We're more into the appropriate language and proper respect phase now.
Melisa said…
I will do just about anything to avoid taking the kids to the store by myself. Ugh...

Natalie said…
I totally agree with you about the Pillsbury containers...I can't open them without donning saftey goggles, a catcher's mask, and taking at least two Valium. They scare me to death! Almost as bad is taking my kids to the store; reading this post gives me absolutely no hope! :) When are we going on our Swiss spa reatreat? Yesterday?
I well remember taking my five very small children to Sears to buy some kind of necessity. Walking toward us was this huge burly man who belted out my way -- so that everyone in ANY department could hear: 'Hey lady...are all of those yours?'. I had to apologize later to them about my immediate outburst of 'NOOOO!! to that heartless inquiry. The nerve of that Sasquatch! It still bothers me today! So don't fret -- centuries of mothers have paved the way for you...you're in good company. And a good tip for today -- don't go down aisles with the glass jars 'at their level' without everyone's arms folded, and with constant sublimal messages going out in measured stream. It's the prudent thing to do. Trust me.
mommymuse said…
I thought I was the only one with the refrigerated dough neurosis! I'm afraid I've passed on the Pillsbury-fear gene to my kids, so I get no help with those little dough bombs. Two years running of weekly grocery delivery--I highly recommend it :). With four kids under the age of five I'm not sure I'd still have any shreds of sanity if I had to do the grocery store run.

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