Free Range Children

Coop-free chickens

I fear I have raised free range children. It started when I could no longer keep Isaac strapped in a high chair at around 1 year old. To my ultimate horror, the kid could walk by 8 1/2 months at which point my pocket full of sanity got ripped. Isaac is now 3 and follows his 2 six year old brothers everywhere and in everything. For instance, on occasion, mommy will reprimand Douglas or Reed for saying a naughty word in Isaac's presence and then Isaac will start shouting the word intermingled with laughter. I can't win! I believe I need to start treating my children like the free range children they are by herding them into good behavior. The free range metaphor was thought of while trying to coral them back into their seats during meal time. Isaac, in this case, was the trend setter for this leaving the table and running around with food in his hand thing. Reed and Douglas thought they could too since their little brother could. This misconception of "privilege" sharing has made it difficult to maintain good table manners and rules of etiquette. Since we've moved into my parent's place in Ogden I have had to really step up the corralling efforts. I've decided that we really aren't as house trained as we thought we were back in Lansing.

These are obviously not free range, notice the gates. Well, maybe, the door is open.

At the moment, Chris is in Sandy at a dive of a Motel 6, of course it's a dive, where he is enjoying some peaceful quiet time between the 2 days of the Utah State Bar Exam. And, I am here all alone trying out my new herding skills. I must admit that I have fallen victim to a stampede. During dinner tonight,while Douglas was telling me that there was something red on my chin, Isaac was climbing down his chair with his juice and heading for the living room. As Douglas was concluding that the mess on my face was either "potato" sauce or blood (we had spaghetti for dinner) I ran after Isaac. When I finally got him back into his chair, I looked over to see that Reed had disappeared, apparently nature called in between bites of his intestines. Yes, this was the next conversation. Reed and Douglas were deciding which body parts they were eating. The spaghetti noodles were the intestines, the sauce was obviously the blood. Then the conversation changed over to which kind of dinosaur the other one was. Of course they were both carnivorous but who was the T-Rex and who was the Carnitor? Douglas said if he bit off Reed's head he'd be a Carnitor, whatever…I was loosing focus after this point as I'd almost finished my intestines and Isaac was wiping his left-overs on my arm.

The evening continued in this manner and after I tripped over a major mess, the mommy interested in becoming a child herder decided to make a strategic career change transforming herself into a character like unto Malificent, Cruella de Vil, Ursula, or Medusa. The free range children were banished to the basement for their own good. If not, daddy would be coming home after his exam to be once more tested in how to untie several new knots and gags. Thank goodness for basements and chicken coops!