Me, myself, and I
Why is it that when parents talk to their children they almost always use the 3rd person? I sometimes feel like I'm gaining a multiple personality disorder. Not that I didn't have that problem before I had kids, but it seems to be getting worse. I told Isaac, after giving him an annoying gun to play with, that he "should give it to mommy when she asks you for it." I don't think he really thought I was serious, but still he was probably wondering who this other mommy I referred to was.
Tonight is a long night for this mother and wife of a law student as her husband won't get home until around 10pm. She really hopes to endure the night without completely loosing it. She thinks her kids are purposely trying to drive her insane….(rattle, rattle) O.k., back to me.
Those children of whom I spoke are now playing, for the moment, in harmony, giving a somewhat frazzled mommy a moment to rest. I know that any minute there will be an explosion and a scream, waiting, waiting…hmm, ahh there it is. This one is o.k., you can often tell the level of destruction by its particular pitch, resonance, and tempo by which the feet speed up the stairs. The finale always goes like this "he kicked/hit/spit on/laughed at/ignored/ or squashed me." I usually stand up and walk out of this horrible concert and find a quiet place to breath before I give the conductor my opinion on the piece.
As a few of my friends know, I just read the most awesome series of books called the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. It's actually their faults for recommending them to me. I started the first book last Tuesday and finished the third Saturday night. At the end I was literally cross-eyed. It took me a few minutes before I could look at Chris without having to blink them strait again. There is a price for reading these books. The first is completely ignoring your kids. They survived, thanks to the TV and pop tarts. Second you have to be prepared to look as pale as the vampires you'll be reading about. That is if you read in a cave like I do. Finally, you have to be prepared to have no social skills until you finish them. You might try as hard as you can to seem interested in what people around you are saying, but all the while your mind will be glued on the part of the book you last read. Sorry to any of you who might have tried to converse with me at that time, but now you know what you were competing against.
I'm pretty much back to normal. Actually, I don't think I've ever been quite normal, but at least I've settled into most of my regular brain patterns. I think my boys are taking me a little more seriously now that I'm not reading anything. Though, for some reason they don't think I'm serious when I ask them to do things. Is there some biological condition I didn't know about, where you are required to tell your kid to do something 5 times before it registers? Well, I think it's time to go tell them to get in bed. This will be the first time. I'll wait to tell them again in two minutes. I think the last command will be in about 10 minutes with a sforzando emphasis.